During holiday visits, she rents an Airbnb for part of her stay and spends the other nights at her dad’s house or with friends.

Her response is that she doesn’t intend to hurt me, but she feels she should be able to stay wherever she prefers. What truly stings is that she doesn’t seem to care about how her choice affects me, focusing only on her own comfort.

She visits every Christmas for several days but refuses to stay overnight at my home. She claims my guest room is too cluttered and noisy, or she offers other excuses for not staying. Instead, she rents an Airbnb for part of her stay and spends the other nights at her dad’s house or with friends.

In today's Dear Annie column, Annie Lane hears from a mom who is hurt that her daughter would rather pay to stay somewhere else than spend the night at her mother's house.

I’d love your perspective on an issue I’m having with my adult daughter, who lives in another state. She visits every Christmas for several days but refuses to stay overnight at my home. She claims my guest room is too cluttered and noisy,

I’ve expressed to her how hurtful this is to me; it feels insulting and makes me feel unimportant. Her response is that she doesn’t intend to hurt me, but she feels she should be able to stay wherever she prefers.